Page Sixty-seven
wednesday 21 July 2010 turners faltering
I've said in other places on my online journals, which are still all being inter-linked to form one website, that since my animals were taken in an illegal eviction more than two years ago, I can no longer pursue many of the interests that were an ongoing part of my life as I previously knew it.
One of those interests was photography. But now, aside from pictures of my guinea pig or animals outdoors, I no longer take pictures, and certainly not what I used to refer to as my "artsy" ones.
The two things I was most driven to photograph -- and I mean driven -- were water, and the sky (which is just more water). Water as liquid, as ice, as snow, as mist. Nothing but animals fascinates me more than the way different qualities of light act on water in all its forms. So...
In 1998 I became friendly with a woman who owned a bookstore and had me as a part-timer there. We didn't know each other terribly well yet, but were spending a lot of time together. One evening in summer we went to supper at a place that had outside picnic tables (I had my dog and one of my rabbits with me), and when our order was called, I went to get it. I'm returning to the table and I see Elizabeth pointing a camera up towards the sky. Do you take pictures of clouds?, I ask her, and she looks immediately both embarrassed and guilty. Well, sometimes,, she says in a meek little voice. And I tell her no, no embarrassment, that I take pictures of clouds too, but I've never seen anyone else do it, and I'm really pleased that she does too. It was, at the time, just another odd thing that made me believe that Elizabeth and I should be friends for life.
I'm sad that in the end, we did not stay friends for life, but it wasn't for lack of me wanting it. I still miss her. And of the many things we had in common, cloudminding was the one that surprised me the most.
I can't put one of my cloud pictures here, as they are all locked up in storage waiting for the day (if such a day ever comes) that I live again in a real apartment, rather than a ponystall.
read... Braonwandering... Being toward death...
~~~~~ website ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
meandering among friends
Friday, July 2, 2010
romance undercover
friday 2 july 2010, turners falling
Yes, it's about 1:00 pm and I'm computering here in Turners. But earlier I was in good old Gruenefeld, computering away there. Had a surprise waiting for me on the sidewalk as I approached the library in that other town.
And the surprise led to panic, and sadness, and the old trying to write as much of it as I could out of my system on a blog post.
This Matthew Lacoy, who used to say he loved me (and maybe, in his own completely unacceptable way, he does) was the surprise on the sidewalk, there on the sidewalk doing parts of what is his job. I have seen these undercover antics so many times before, and when I saw him there with one of his colleagues, both waiting for me and doing the pacing-smoking dance, which Matthew alone must do wearing a heavy winter parka fit for a blizzard, there I saw that in this sick-club way, he was telling things to me, as well as to others around u. To me he was saying: it's a bad day, and I myself have come down here to this sidewalk to take charge, and to speak to you, and to impart to you with various elements of body language that you learned two years ago, that today is a bad day.
He spoke to me twice, and looked into my eyes, as is often his way, and waited for an answer. He didn't get one. There's no point saying things to him that I've already said, things he either refuses to understand or really doesn't understand because he doesn't have Asperger's, and I do; or because his way of being in the world is so ego-driven and mine is much more soul-driven.
So, here's the post I wrote there in Gruenefield to try organize the great caldron of feelings that arise in me every time I see Matthew Lacoy.
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read... Sehnen... Braon...
~~~ website ~~~~
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