wednesday 23 september 2009

Page Fifty

Turners Falls

Back here again haunting my memories, yet again. I come as often as I can. Very, very few people in Turners Falls speak to me now, this year, and I don't speak to them. They did, after all, leave me living outdoors for two months. There are some, after all, who know what became of my animals and will not tell me.


Still working on updating all of the posts from last year, but it's a long job. Sometimes I get burn-out and have to take some time off from all the updating, from all the digging out of memory words, events, people that I chose to keep quiet about in 2008.

Still living in a rented bedroom. Matthew is still in Greenfield, as am I. It's still painful on several levels to see him, but when I move back here to Turners, I won't have to see anymore this man who has loved me so badly. I have enough grief to carry, enough loss, and enough other memories of meanness.

Website ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(greenman from www.gaelsong.com)

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wednesday 9,9,09 -- blackworld

Page Forty-nine

Turners Falls

Visiting again today the place where I had my own life, such as it was, for nearly 22years, and where it was torn apart 18 months ago...

Blackworld. That's how I started out on this journal many months ago, and it has only become blacker over time. I don't write popular on-line journals, and I've said this other places. I'm writing about things that are sad and depressing and angry and hard... I'm writing the truth of who I am and what's happened to me over the last 18 months. It isn't snappy and entertaining. It isn't clever or cutesy. It's a pretty ugly reality, and people are not hovering over their keyboards waiting for the next installment.

~~~~~~~~~~ website ~~~~~~~~~~~~