saturday 22 august 2009

Page Forty-eight

Greenfield

The words "mental hell" with which I began this journal more than a year ago, still apply. I am in many ways a ghost. For all I know, I am still a worm. Matthew and his boys are still here. I asked him on April 27 if this was over yet, this "protection", and I didn't get an answer. Just as I didn't get answers to many questions I've asked him over more than a year. But I don't feel particularly human, and I certainly do not feel like the anne I was for 55 years, when I had what was my way of life.

Not one of the four on-line journals I began last year has the entire story of what I've been experiencing, especially in terms of Matthew and all that drama. The best way to gain a total picture, and my reactions to these various insane and grossly insensitive behaviors on the part of other people, is to go to my website and jump around among all the interconnected blogs.

(picture frame at www.gaelsong.com)

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wednesday 12 august 2009

Page Forty-seven

Turners Falls

I'm here in this town again today, where I no longer live, haunting my memories again of what was my own, real life. I've written about the reason I'm here today on braonwandering.wordpress.com.

I wonder where you are, other people with Asperger's, or other people who feel for animals the way I do and dislike human beings as much as I do, or other people who've had their lives destroyed.

I wonder if there might be people who read this now and then who find their adventures where I did when I had my life. The adventure of watching a sunset with dogs and cats. Or the adventure of finding toads with your dogs and telling them sweetly that we're not going to hurt the toads, we love them. All my adventures, for years, were found not usually in human activities, but primarily in nature, with my animals or by myself. And I hated humans interrupting my adventures. Coming along and chasing away the squirrel I was feeding, or yakking loudly some trivial nonsense while I was trying to listen to the water. And so on ad nauseam. But now that my real life has been taken from me, even nature adventures are darkened and saddened, because I no longer have my animals to share them with.

more about adventures.

tues 4 aug 2009

Page Forty-six

anne nakis... unacceptable, unlovable in the human sphere. it's always been that way. apparently it always will be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ website ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

all photos, graphics, poems and text copyright 2008-2011 by anne nakis, unless otherwise stated. all rights reserved.