a worm?

Page Thirty-three

fri 24 october 2008 Peskeomskut Park in turners flails

Am I someone's juicy bit dangling on a very painful hook? I'm still left to sleep outside, 55 years old and lots of chronic illnesses.

Many of the people in this town are so religious. Or at least, they are SUPERFICIALLY religious. I wonder what their god thinks of their participation in my degradation. I kid you not, not one of these people, some of whom have known me at least casually for over twenty years, will even give me a hot meal, nevermind a place to sleep. While I wait for Matthew and his germs to locate me somewhere.


Update 11 Sept 2009: I started writing in bold in all the journals last year at this time. The bold was to symbolize my anger and frustration. And I started ignoring things like capital letters because I wanted to break rules. Today I've put the capitals back in and removed the boldness. I believed the things Matthew said, so I believed in this protection, and I believed that because I was "protected" in such an underhanded way, I was bait. I am still not sure that I wasn't bait, because Matthew won't answer any questions anymore (not that he ever answered very many). As for the citizens of Turners Falls, I still bear them the same ill will. Their religiosity didn't prevent them from leaving a 55-year-old woman in a park. Even if they thought I was a loopy delusional, they knew I was harmless. No drugs, no drink, no violence. Someone could have offered me a room, or at least a couch. What would their Jesus have done?

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